I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
