i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
