Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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