so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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