Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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