Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize
