that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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