i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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