somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
