as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
