My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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