Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Randomize