So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I'm just so full of love and alcohol