Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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