I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
