Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
