I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
porn star boner night. come get it.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
