my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
