would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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