i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
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i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
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Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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