woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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