Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
