Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
