Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Randomize
