i jhust puked up my retainher.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
