I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
