i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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