She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
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the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
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I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
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