I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
