about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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