wrigley field is MILF paradise
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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