Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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