Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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