Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
