What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.