I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!