on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
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Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
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i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.