2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?