She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Randomize
