I murdered the dance floor call the cops
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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