Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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