She's JV to your varsity
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
