Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Man, jail baloney is awful.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
