So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
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