Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
