Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
