i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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