this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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