Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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