just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
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