FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
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twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
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I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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