I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
