but the lizard people decide everything anyway
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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