ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
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I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
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Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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