absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
