Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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