guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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