in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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