just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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