Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
