What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
