I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
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i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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