so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
