yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
